He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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