Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
