you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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