if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
