Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
