My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
