so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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