the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize