kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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