Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize