apparently the secret to your success is patron
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
