I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A+ Viking dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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