The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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