even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
