ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize