I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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