I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
