"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
