He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
