my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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