She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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