Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
