i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
