I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
