I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
