when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
