Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
