Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
