brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
