We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
whose parrot is this?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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