i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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