HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
