Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
