The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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