We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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