Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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