Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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