well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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