Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
