Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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