Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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