I CAN MOONWALK!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
