i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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