i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
