Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
