these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
