you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
