So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
