So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
