dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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