you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
