THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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