Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
