So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
