The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
