I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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