You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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