Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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