I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
another moral hangover. fuck.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
