After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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