It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize