hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
