What did we do last night that was yellow?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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