You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
