Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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