just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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