Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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