Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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