You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
