someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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