Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She even gives head with a lisp.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize