Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
