You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
