can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
