Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
