omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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