I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I want is dick and wine.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
