are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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