i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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