I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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