i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
