In the future we'll all be gay
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
