The maid of honor just puked.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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