Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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