we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
