you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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