Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm both gender and math confused
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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