you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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