Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
