If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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