i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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