i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
